The Fall of the Light

Salt Water on Paper

 

Dried water marks stain the page

I’ve killed before. 
I’ve killed a lot, by this point, I suppose. 
I even killed that day. 
But it was my first time killing a friend. 

It was my fault Ursar died. It was my duty to keep him alive, and yet it was me who caused him to fight the captain on his own. It was me who could have dragged Ursar out of there, but instead I attacked the captain again, reigniting the battle. I had potions, but couldn’t get one to Ursar in time, either. Everything I did was a mistake. 

I couldn’t reach him. I had nothing left to give. The captain was in the way and I couldn’t get to him, and I don’t know what I could have done by that point, but I still feel the blame lies heavily on my shoulders. Surely there was something. If I could have reached him just a few seconds earlier, maybe I could have done something. As I was moving towards him I saw him shudder and stop breathing. I tried to heal him, but it was too late. To make things worse, I lied to him that morning about the bodies. I never had the chance to make it right again.

We’re carrying his body to his homeland, as it’s our direction anyway. It feels offensive storing his body in that bag, but I guess it’s pragmatic. I hope they’ll honour him, if their shamans are unable to restore him. He was going to be first Ursari wizard, apparently.

So I’ve failed the Order of Piercing Light, I’ve betrayed Melora, and now I’ve failed Ursar. Everything I touch turns to dirt, ever since Verisiel was taken. 
I don’t even know if it’s worth praying that Ursar finds his new other world welcoming. Who would I pray to? 

I also wonder who now guards his dead soul. 

Do we follow the right path, or are we making things worse as we go? Who can I ask and find out from? 
It probably doesn’t matter, even if I knew I’d probably somehow ruin it again.